dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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