lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
