yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
