I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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