k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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