so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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