So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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