so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
