Sponge bath it is.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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