if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
