If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize