take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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