my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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