it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
