I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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