Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
