At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
