How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize