She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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