What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
