I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
