I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
where am i from again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
