By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
