I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
