as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize