My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
