and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
