I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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