dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
