Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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