you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
