I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
