I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
