the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
