I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
