I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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