i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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