We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
