just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
