i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
