when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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