just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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