I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
