he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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