At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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