wakey wakey hands off snakey
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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