just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
