I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
