in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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