hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
