he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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