My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
