It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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