break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
