if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
