I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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