This is not my ceiling
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
