Pants 0. Shit 1.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
