Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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