OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
