I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
