oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
