So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize