ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
