so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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