Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
