my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
