NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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