Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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