I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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