At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
