we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
