thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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