Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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