I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
