I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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