Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
