I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
