I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
