just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
