And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
