i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
