the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
