i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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