well you can't waste a boner
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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