I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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