There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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