I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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