After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
