I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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