is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
