If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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