I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
