Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
