How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
